Always My Guide Chapter One

[eachdraidhean]

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Three months after Dean went to Hell …

“Come on Sammy, you can do it,” Ruby encourages as Sam tries to force the demon they’d caught out of its meat suit.

Sam concentrates, feeling the power building inside him. He reaches forward with one hand, drawing the demon out. The hold it had on the man it was inhabiting loosens, and Sam doubles his efforts. Slowly, he pulls at it, easing it out. Blood seeps from his nose and down over his lips. He ignores it, not letting his concentration drop. An iron tang wells in his mouth, a reminder of Ruby’s sickening suggestion, that he drinks a little of her blood to give his abilities a boost. He’d turned her down, but the idea lurks, alluring.

The demon howls and Sam focusses, but it’s slippery, writhing in his grasp and he loses his hold with a pained growl. The demon slams back into its meat suit and laughs at Sam, cackling, black eyes shining with unrestrained glee.

“Still not strong enough, Sammy?” it spits in Sam’s face, and Sam can’t help himself.

He slashes the demon killing knife across the throat of the schoolteacher the demon is wearing, then plunges it through the man’s rib cage and straight up into his heart. Sam twists it around, taking a grim satisfaction from the way the demon’s eyes flare as it dies. He pulls the knife out and stalks off, slamming the barn door against its hinges as he leaves. The air outside is cool, and overhead, the sky is full of stars, but Sam doesn’t see their beauty. All he sees is a world without Dean.

The Impala sits where he left her. Sometimes, Sam swings from hating the sight of her, to wanting to curl up on the back seat and never leave. Tonight, he settles for throwing the still-bloodied knife in through the open window and grabbing the bottle of cheap whisky from where he’d left it on the seat. He knocks back a mouthful, needing the burn as it goes down and takes another drink.

“Gotta work on getting stronger, champ.”

Sam ignores Ruby and gets in the car, and turns the key to start her up before Ruby even opens the door. She curses as he pulls away sharply as she slams the door. They leave the corpse behind in the barn, and Sam can’t bring himself to care.



Back at the empty farmhouse where they’ve been crashing, Sam finishes off the bottle of whiskey and ignores Ruby when she tries to get him to eat a slice of day-old pizza.

“Why do you care if I eat?” he snaps.

“Like I said, gotta keep your strength up. Or you could …”

“Could what? Drink demon blood?” There’s disgust in his voice at the thought.

“It’s where your powers came from in the first place.” Ruby smiles and walks towards him, hips swaying, playing with the knife as she gets closer. She holds out her arm, resting the tip of a knife on a soft spot. “Just a few drops, Sam, see if it helps.”

“No.” He growls and pushes her away, even as traitorous thoughts seep through his mind. What harm would it do to try it? She was right, demon blood had started this, and if he became strong enough, he could put his demon born abilities to good use. Maybe it would be enough to rescue Dean.

He’s suddenly tired of trying and failing to exorcise demons in a way he knows neither Dean nor his father would approve of anyway, and he’s at the point he’s ready to try anything. It wasn’t like Dean was still around to tear him a new one for even thinking about it. Dean’s gone.

Sam pulls her closer, making her gasp with the sudden movement, and she straddles his hips. He watches as her eyes widen as she draws the blade across her skin. Blood, deep and rich, wells from the wound and she offers it up to him. He only hesitates for a moment longer before taking hold of her arm. He crashes his mouth against the wound, determined to get it over with as soon as he could. But the nausea he expects as the blood hits his stomach is short lived, replaced by a growing heat which spreads outwards until his whole body feels energized.

He surges to his feet, taking her with him and throwing her on the bed. She gasps as he tears off her jeans and kisses her hard as he fucks her. It doesn’t leave him sated for long, it leaves him needing something more to take the edge off.

“Think you’re ready to try again?”

Sam licks at the healing wound on her arm and smiles at her.

“I’m ready.”

It takes a couple of hours to trap another demon, and all the while the power inside Sam rages, sizzling through his body. Finally, with the demon secured, he feels invincible as he strides towards it.

Just like last time, Sam tugs at the demon, which begins to spill from the nose and mouth of the postman it was wearing. Finding it so much easier to focus, Sam pulls harder, wincing as a familiar pain spikes through his head. Determined, he pushes through it. His eyes narrow as he fights to stay strong despite the pain. With one last effort, he wrenches the demon straight out of the body slumped in the chair in front of him. But there’s a pop inside his head as minute blood vessels rupture. It feels as if his brain has liquefied and in an agonizing burst of pain, Sam falls to his knees, hands pressed against his forehead, the demon forgotten.

“Ruby!” Sam cries out, slumping forward as the pain threatens to take his consciousness. He manages to reach out with one hand, holding himself up as he pants though the searing agony..

Ruby squats down beside him, touching his shoulder.

“It’s okay, Sammy, you did it!”

Sam shakes his head, tears leaking down the side of his face. He tries to sit back, but falls against her, eyes still scrunched closed.

“Let’s get you to bed, you’ll be okay after you sleep it off.” Ruby hauls him to his feet.

Now when the nausea comes, it settles in. He sways, reaching out for something else to steady himself and blinks his eyes open. He gasps and stops dead.

“Come on, Sam,” Ruby urges none too gently.

Sam pulls away from her, suddenly terrified. His fingers reach up to touch his face, shaking as they reach his eyes, skittering across his eyelashes. He begins to panic.

“I can’t see.”

“What?” Ruby’s reply is sharp.

Sam jumps when her hand touches his and moves his fingers away from his eyes. There’s a sharp intake of breath, and a low muttered, “Shit.”

Sam reaches out, hands colliding with her arm and groping their way up to her shoulder, holding on tightly. All the anger that had been fueling him since he lost Dean drains away, leaving terror behind. He’s been injured before, cut up, knocked out, limbs dislocated, and he’s been thrown against more walls than he likes to think about, but no matter how bad it’s been, he’s never felt as helpless as he does right now.

Ruby tries to move out of his grip, but he holds on tight. She sighs, and then takes his hands.

“I’m sure it’s temporary. Get some sleep, let your headache clear away and you’ll be fine.”

He nods, and lets her lead him slowly through the house. He takes every shuffling step with hesitation, keeping tight hold of her with one hand, while reaching his other hand out in front of him. Panic rises again. His eyes are wide open, but he just can’t see, no matter how much he tries to force himself by trying to focus. He tries blinking rapidly as if he can wipe away whatever is blocking his sight.

“Stop, stop!” He freezes, unable to take another step, hyperventilating so badly his chest begins to ache.

“Sam …”

“Please, stop, just wait.” His chest heaves and he’s so lost in the dark that the touch of her hand on his face almost goes unnoticed.

“Shh, Sammy, calm down.” Her thumb smoothes along his cheekbone. “I’m here, okay?”

Slowly, his breathing steadies, but when he pushes into her touch, it’s with a needy whimper that he can’t hold back. He wants Dean to be there, to guide him, he wants that so badly. The loss of his brother hits him again. His shoulders sag and his grip on Ruby’s hand goes limp.

She tightens her hold and urges him forward again. This time he follows without complaint, relying on her to get him to a safe place where he can rest and hopefully leave the darkness behind him. He stumbles again and again. Each time, Ruby stops and helps him along, but he can tell by the tone of her voice when she reassures him that she is losing patience with him. He cringes inwardly. She’s all he has, and he knows that isn’t the best of positions for him to be in, not given his current condition. Another wave of longing hits him. Dean would have bundled him into the Impala, worry and concern in his voice even as he joked and reassured. He would have taken Sam to Bobby’s, made him feel safe, then turned the world upside down looking for a way to fix him.

Sam stopped walking, needing his brother so badly, but knowing that it’s something he can never have again.

“Sam, you’re almost there. Another few steps and you can rest,” Ruby urges, tugging on his hand.

Sam snaps out of his thoughts and hurries forward, his leg glancing off the corner of the couch, hitting it hard enough to bruise. Ruby lets go of his hand and pushes him backwards.

“You can sit down, the couch is right behind you.”

Sam reaches back, bending his knees, but waiting until he could feel the worn fabric of the couch cushions with his fingers before finally sitting down. He hears Ruby’s footsteps as she moves away into the kitchen of the house. There is the distinctive sound of a tap being turned on, and water hitting the bottom of the sink. He realizes that he’s holding his breath, straining to catch every sound, to give it context, to assign it a purpose.

The noise of the water softens as instead of hitting the sink, it filles a glass, then it stops altogether and for a second there’s silence. Ruby takes four steps back towards him, then stops and there’s a rustling noise, and two small pops. Five more steps, and she’s in front of him.

“Take these, they’ll help with the pain.”

Sam reaches out, his right hand impacting the glass in hers. Water sloshes over both their fingers.

“Dammit, Sam.” Ruby takes a step back, her boots stomping on the bare boards.

“Sorry.” He pulls his hand back, and wipes it on his jeans, but she grabs it, and puts the glass in it.

“Open wide.”

“What?”

“Your mouth, open it so I can put the pills on your tongue.”

“Oh, right.” He does as he’s instructed, then slowly raises the glass to his lips. He gulps quickly, wincing at the bitter tang of the pain meds that have already begun to dissolve in his mouth. It’s only then that it hits him that she could have given him anything and he wouldn’t know.

“What were they?”

“What does it matter?”

Sam blanches. Not only is he almost helpless, but he’s at her mercy, and that isn’t a good thing. It doesn’t matter how much she’s helped him so far, she’s still a demon with an agenda of her own that he hasn’t worked out yet. He’s beginning to understand just how screwed he is.

“Did you know this would happen?” He asks.

“What? No! Why would I want you blind, Sam? It should have enhanced your power, not fucked you up.” Now she sounds royally pissed.

Sam sags on the couch. His head feels fuzzy, on top of aching badly.

“I’ll be back in a few hours.” He can hear Ruby moving around the room as she talks.

“You’re leaving?” Sam hates himself for how needy he sounds.

“Someone has to get rid of the body before it starts stinking up the place, and it’s not like you can help.”

“Right, yeah, of course.” Sam curls his arms around himself and lies down. His eyelids are heavy, drooping over his now useless eyes and he has to fight to stay awake. “What did you give me?” He repeats his earlier question, slurring his words as the drugs take effect.

“Something to help you sleep. I’ll be back before you wake up.” Her fingers run over his scalp.

Sam shivers, listening to her footsteps getting fainter. He reaches into his pocket, his hands clumsy. He takes a breath, running his thumb lightly over the small keypad on the phone, trying to remember which buttons he needed to press and hitting what he hopes is the second number on speed dial. He lifts it to his ear, fighting to stay awake, knowing that he needs to get to somewhere safe.

“Sam?” Bobby answers in the second ring, his voice full of concern. “You okay, son?”

“Bobby, I …” Sam loses his battle to stay awake and the phone slips from his fingers as he passes out. It hits the edge of the couch and bounces onto the floor, cutting off the call as it lands.

Chapter Two